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It had been there all the time, partially realized, always submergedIt had a jingle to it
Not a phony but a Faust
Clear enough, and what was he going to do about it? Knowing this, he had no right to go on with the patrol; objectively he was playing with the lives of the nine men left, and he didn't deserve the responsibilityIf there was anything worth while left in him, he would turn back in the morning
There was the inner smirkHe ought to, but he wouldn'tThe shock, the self-disgust that followed this was surprising, almost pleasing in its intensityHe was almost horrified with this sick anguished knowledge of himself
He had to turn back now
Once more he got out of his cartier santos de cartier blanket, and strode through the hollow to where Croft was sleepingHe knelt, about to shake him, when Croft turned toward him"What you want, Lootenant?"
"You awake?"
"Yeah
"I've decided to go back in the morning Once he told Croft, he could not renege on himself
The moonlight outlined the side of Croft's face, which was motionlessPerhaps his jaw muscle quiveredFor several seconds he was quiet, and then he repeated, "Go back in the morning?" His legs were out of the blanket now
"Don't you think we ought to look around a bit more?" Croft was stalling for timeHe had been drowsing when Hearn came up, and the decision hurt him powerfully
"What's the point to looking around?" Hearn louis cartier asked
Croft shook his headThere was the core of an idea, but he could not seize itHis mind, even his muscles, were tense, seeking for some handhold, some advantageIf Hearn had touched him at that instant, Croft would have shuddered"We oughtn't to give up right away, LootenantSlowly as he realized the situation, his hatred for Hearn was working againHe felt the same frustration that he had experienced when Hearn commanded him to apologize to Roth, or when he had gone to recover Wilson and had realized the entrance to the pass was empty
The shadow of the idea passed through his mind againHe heard himself speaking with some surprise"Lootenant, those Japs scooted after the ambush
"How do you omega constellation know?"
Croft told him about Wilson"We could make it through now
Hearn shook his head
"Ain't you even gonna give it a chance?" He was trying to understand Hearn's motive, and he realized dimly that Hearn was not turning back because he was afraidThe intuition frightened him, for if it was true, Hearn would be less likely to change his mind
"I'm not going to take the platoon through the pass after what happened today
"Well, why don't you send out one man tonight, let him make a reconnaissance? Goddam, that's the least we can do
Hearn shook his head again
"Or we could climb the mountain
Hearn scratched his chin"The men couldn't do it," he said finally
Croft tried one last tiffany canada gambit"Lootenant, if we could make this patrol okay, it might tie up the campaign, you never can tell
The final factor in the equationIt was becoming too complicatedFor there was a nub of truth in that, Hearn realizedIf the patrol did succeed, it would be one of those tiny plus contributions to the war, one of the intangibles he had talked about a long time ago to the General"How do you measure if it's better that the war end sooner and so many men go home, or if they all stay over here and go to pot?"
If the campaign ended soon, it would be concretely good for the men in the divisionIt was with that line of thought that he had decided to give up the patrol, help the men in the chanel handbags collection plato |
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